* Cashier offers to unload my cart. I say, "oh, no, thanks."

* Cashier walks behind checkstand; I start to unload cart; cashier starts to ring me up. As far as I can tell, I'm keeping up with the cashier.

* Suddenly, a bagger is between me and the cart, saying, "Here, miss, let me help you unload." [Tangent: "Miss"? Really? I haven't been called "Miss" in decades and I've come to prefer "Ma'am".]

* I am very startled, and automatically apologize for being too slow.

* Bagger says, "Oh, no, not at all," but I'm already upset and shaking.

* I spill my wallet all over the checkstand, and babble more apologies as the cashier helps me clean up the mess I've just made.

* Bagger offers to take my cart to the car and load it for me, and I decline MUCH more fervently. I don't recall my exact words, but I think they were along the lines of, "Oh no no, please no!"

100% cashier / bagger / store fault 0% Janet fault. You have a right to be free from forced assistance by the staff when you say No. No means No at Krogers too

What She Said. This is not the time or place for you to take blame upon yourself. You said NO, repeatedly, and were ignored; that's enough to upset anybody.

Also, note that "let me help" is a DEMAND, not a request, and yes, it's a very strong indication that the other person thinks Ur Doin It Rong; your interpretation of that was not off the mark at all.

A polite e-mail to the management at that Kroger about getting their employees to pay attention when a customer indicates they don't want assistance might be in order here.

That sounds to me like service personnel ignoring your stated preferences. If a torts perspective is necessary, I don't think you deserve any fault.

It's kind of startling-- but grocery stores, which are a nexus of this sort of thing, and which have changed their service policies repeatedly in my lifetime, and much more earlier, should recognize it-- how much pain there is for people accustomed to a specific service routine in a grocery store, where none of us really want to think about it, when that routine is altered. and so much more when altered without notice.

None of this sounds like your fault to me. "No means no at Kroger's too" as girlgoyle says.

Even if they're not quite down with the way you unload your cart (and frankly why on *Earth* would they care?), you are a customer, and your desires are to be catered to, within reason. (And "I want to unload my cart myself, thanks" strikes me as well within reason.)

I unload my own cart too--and would probably be pretty startled if someone moved in on me while I was doing it.

I'm sorry these strange people weirded you out so badly.

*HUGS* I often feel I'm too slow at checkout lanes. I don't panic like that, but it does bother me. (My panic attacks are reserved for things like thinking I've lost something important, or have myself convinced I've forgotten to lock the door.)

What I found helps me is going shopping with a friend. We go to a store where we bag our own stuff, so there's added worry. But one of us loads stuff onto one end, the other bags on the other end. It doesn't always work out that smoothly, but when it does, it's pretty cool.

Not. Your. Fault. At all. You said 'no'; you were ignored. girlgoyle is right. Period. Dot. End.

It's a difficult habit to break, but one that you (and I) need to work on - stop accepting - or insisting on hogging - the blame for things that are in no way your fault.

You would never accept it if someone victim-blamed your friend. Please stop victim-blaming yourself. You said no; they violated your boundaries; it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

"Here, miss, let me help you unload."

I'd say the bagger failed his Diplomacy check; it might have been better to offer help, rather than being helpful without asking if you wanted it. Also, I get the impression he may have been a little in your personal space.

There's a lack of info so I can't say for sure, but based on the evidence presented there _is_ an alterantive explanation; the bagger who "helped" unload your trolly was otherwise idle and the company has a policy of 'never be idle'. He might even have been told off, previously, for standing around doing nothing. Or maybe he was just over-zealous.

Not that this stops the interaction between you and the store from being stressful and bad, but it might help explain _how_ it happened. And it means that you weren't at fault.

I've learned that playing the 'blame game" doesn't help anyone, but trying to understand what went wrong so that it won't happen again (or you're prepared for it, otherwise) is more beneficial.

I completely concur.

I don't know. I see a huge piece missing here:

Bagger does something that upsets Janet. Bagger refuses to take any notice of this, and continues the action without regard for how Janet is reacting. (NB: I'm not saying that the bagger is a bad person - merely calling out a part of the story I consider important).

You're not the only person who can be upset by someone jumping in to their personal space, metaphorically shoving them aside and performing a task they are used to doing themselves, and might prefer to do themselves ("ah, now all of my frozen foods are in one section, so they can be bagged together...").

I'm not saying the bagger is an awful person or acting maliciously - I'm saying that this changes the dynamic greatly. People aren't just responsible for their intentions, or their instructions - they're responsible for how they affect others. A huggy person doesn't get to hug you just because they like hugs, or even because "most people appreciate hugs" and if they approach you to hug you, and fail to notice your response is guarded or negative, they are 100% in the wrong (though probably not a horrible person - there's a huge difference between being completely wrong, and being a horrible person).

As far as I can tell it is not your fault at all. Zip, Nada, Zero percent.
One might argue that you being you were cause to a certain percentage say 25 % , but cause is not fault.

From my personal and necessarily distorted viewpoint it seems that you are far to willing to see yourself at fault. While accepting that one can be inpart or completely at fault is good, I think NO problem should be considered more than 50 % one fault unless proven so by hard facts. Also I think that there are always those helpful people who will explain to one why it was ones fault alone - no need to do their work and make life easier for them.

Why... all the drama over the bagger just trying ot help you? It's customer service, not a criticism of you as a person. Really, you are awesome and fine and they can unload for you and you will still be awesome. Promise.

ON Sun I had to go to WalMart. I had the items I was buying set up to be condensed as possible so they would fit in the single WalMart reusable shopping bag I had on me.

I got possibly the stupidest cashier EVER.

She could not seem to understand why the lids and bases were separated. The bases were tucked into each other, the lids were stacked on top for ease of ringing up.

She tried putting everything back together, stacking them haphazardly so they wouldn't stay up. Kept falling over and sliding.

I told her I brought a WalMart bag and she seemed to think that meant she was absolved of the responsibility to take my bag AND BAG MY ITEMS. No, sorry, me bringing a bag does not mean, hey I'll bag it myself. It means, I don't want any plastic bags.

So there I was, with my reusable bag, holding it open myself, and she decided to try and shove these containers in the wrong way and of course they wouldn't fit. Her preference? Put each one into it's own plastic bag. 7 plastic bags for items that could easily fit into a WALMART SHOPPING BAG THAT I BROUGHT TO WALMART. The way I had them., That she messed up.

Then she held out this teetering tower of massed up containers, lids sliding everywhere, to me, while I stood there holding the bag open, like she expected me to drop the bag, take them, and keep them from exploding onto the floor so I could bag them.

I was and still am extremely irritated. I said to her, no I need them to be BACK THE WAY I HAD THEM so I can FIT THEM ALL IN HERE. It had been less than 2 minutes and she did not understand "how I had them."

So I don't know if her English was iffy or if she was just a moron.

I wanted to punch her.

I guess that's the diff! I don't cry and get embarrassed. I glare and my voice gets soft, quiet, and biting. It makes cats cringe!