Anyway, humorous country songs: "Eight-Second Ride" by Jake Owen, "Online" by Brad Paisley, and "Runnin' Out of Memory for You" by Tim O'Brien.
ALBUM: Easy Does It
SONG: Eight-Second Ride
Jake Owen
Well hey girl what's your name
Haven't I seen you before?
I recognized them dark green eyes
When you do-si-doed across the floor
Are you alone or are you with someone
She said "A matter of fact I'm not."
So I took her hand that's when it all began
And we headed towards the parking lot.
And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high."
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride."
We went riding round
Rocking to the sound of "Country Boy Can Survive"
And I knew then that she was my kind of girl
Cause she was singing every single line
Then she slid on over put my hand on her shoulder
And I asked her what she wanted to do
She said
"It really don't matter where we go
Just as long as I'm riding with you"
And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high"
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride"
So we headed out to old tobacco road
Put the tailgate down and we made love
She said
"True country boys hard to find
But I found one wilder than any eight second ride"
And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high"
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride
Yeah, hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride"
Artist: Paisley Brad
Song: Online
Album: 5th Gear
I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace
'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online
When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login
Online
I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
Yeah, I’ll see ya online
Runnin Out Of Memory For You
From Cornbread Nation
(©2000 Tim O'Brien, Jackson O'Brien, Kit Swaggert, Dermot Diamond)
Well I got an email from you darlin
It said you'd sent me a file
It was a full-length picture, jpeg format
But I never got to see you smile
I thought of what you might be wearin
Just then my server software froze
I tried rebooting, tried compression
But it would not open past your nose
My color screen won't even function
It's one big solid field of blue
My hard drive it went soft
My application coughed
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you
I sat alone there at my work place
Just a thinkin of the good times that we had
I was dumpin data to a zip drive
I was strokin on the old mouse pad
I went down to my computer center
Just to buy me a megabyte of ram
Then I hurried on back to my work place
I had my memory module in my hand
I opened up my PC casing
I thought I knew just what I'd do
But it was all for naught
There were no expansion slots
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you
My color screen won't even function
It's one big solid field of blue
My hard drive it went soft
My application coughed
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you
Each of these things is not like the other, both of these things just aren't the same. Two phrases you don't expect to hear in the same news story (and both referring to the same person) are "airlifted to UT Medical Center" and "treated and released". They didn't give any details, though, so maybe it makes sense. UTMCK might well be the closest hospital to the Smoky Mountain National Park, and the roads through the park might well have been too dangerous to drive this weekend.
ETA: Okay, to be more fair, I went and looked up the article.
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (WVLT) -- Winter horse-play put a teenager from Georgia on a Lifestar flight to UT Medical Center.
Park rangers tell us that 14-year-old Hector Elias is part of a church group that was visiting the Smokies from Cornelia, Georgia.
Sunday afternoon, he and some of his friends got into a snowball fight on New Found Gap Road.
One of his friends hit him in the head with an iceball.
Because of icy road conditions, Hector was airlifted to the hospital.
He was treated, and released.
So, yeah, possible head injury + icy roads = air evac + treated and released. /ETA
I hate filling out timesheets. Just sayin'. On the other hand, I like to get paid. So, well.