"I'm moderately afraid of small babies, and tend to believe that waking them up when they want to be asleep is pretty much the single worst thing one can do to a parent, short of, you know, actual malice and illegality."

(I just wrote this to one co-worker, after asking a general question of, "How can I best get in touch with [other co-worker who is on maternity leave], because I'm afraid to call her.")