Case 1
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Me: *dials phone at work, so it's the last digit of the exchange and a four-digit extension*
Stranger: Hello, this is (somebody I wasn't looking for).
Me: Hi, is person-I-was-looking-for there, please?
Stranger: There's no one here by that name.
Me: Did I dial 4-1234?
Stranger: No, this is 4-5678.
Me: Uh, you know, I think I just dialed her campus zip rather than her extension. Sorry 'bout that.
Case 2
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Me: *turns on computer running Windows NT*
Computer: NTLDR not found. *does not boot*
Me: Huh? *turns computer off, turns computer on*
Computer: NTLDR not found. *does not boot*
Me: What the hell does that mean? *asks coworkers if they know what the hell that means*
Coworkers: We dunno; ask Michael.
Michael: *is not in the office*
Me: *calls help desk*
Help Desk: Remember the old error message "Non-system disk in drive; please remove disk and restart"?
Me: Yes....
Help Desk: This means the same thing.
Me: I'm an idiot.
Help Desk: Don't worry about it; we like easy questions. I don't know whose bright idea it was to take a clear, non-threatening, explanatory error message and turn it into something obscure and terrifying.
Case 3
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Me, at Subway: I'd like a footlong meatloaf on Italian, please.
Subway worker: Ma'am, we don't have meatloaf.
Me: *pause, while I try to parse what he said and what I meant* Uh, meatball. I meant to say meatball. I'm sorry; I guess I was distracted or something.
Case 4
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This was not so much a case of stupid as "lacking vocabulary in local Spanish", but it's still kind of amusing. To me, anyway. I'll present it in English.
Me, to pharmacy clerk in Venezuela: My roommate isn't feeling well, I need to get her something for constipation. ("constipado" was the word in my dictionary.)
Clerk: In the head? (Apparently, in the local dialect, that word meant "congested".)
Me: No. Ah, the opposite of diarrhea.
Clerk: Vomiting?
Me: No, no. Ah, the opposite of diarrhea, she doesn't go at all.
Clerk: Ah! Constipated! (Which sounded like "estopado".)
Me: Yes! Thank you!
