Janet Miles, CAP-OM (janetmiles) wrote,
Janet Miles, CAP-OM
janetmiles

  • Mood:

Bitten by the black dog (metaphor)

I should have realized it yesterday afternoon; I did figure it out yesterday evening.

I'm in a depressive slide again. On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is not at all depressed and 10 is sitting on the edge of the bed looking longingly at Dale's phenobarbital (which I would never actually steal), I'm at about a 6. I'm not in danger; not suicidal or likely to deliberately self-injure.

Thanks to good therapy, I do have the intellectual skills to know that this is temporary and to more or less cope. I'm functioning at about 70%, I think. I'll keep taking my nice drugs (better living through modern chemistry!), I'll play happy-Janet music, I'll slog through it, and in a few days or a week or so the cloud will lift and I'll start feeling better again.

You know what's weird? I don't get completely anhedonic when I'm in this kind of depression. I'm angry and bitter and right on the edge of tears; I want to be hateful and hurtful and push people away (but again, I have developed enough self-awareness and coping skills that I mostly don't do that); but individual things can still be funny and I can laugh at them.

P.S. The icon more or less describes how I feel about Life, The Universe, and Everything right now; it's not directed at any of you, my friends and acquaintances.
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