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18 December 2010 @ 07:29 pm
Thinking  
I cannot imagine feeling close enough to someone that I would think I have any right to an opinion as to whether or when they should have children.

Edit: I may not have said clearly what I was thinking. Rephrased: I cannot imagine feeling as though I had a right to be *consulted* regarding a decision to start a pregnancy.

Single exception: If for some unforeseen reason Dale decided he wanted to father a child (with someone else, obviously, since my tubes are long since tied), I'd expect to be consulted; we're married and that would have a significant effect on our finances.
 
 
 
Bladerunnerbldrnrpdx on December 19th, 2010 12:44 am (UTC)
Work in child-related public service or education a while. Those sorts of opinions come pretty fast.
starcat_jewelstarcat_jewel on December 19th, 2010 12:55 am (UTC)
Especially if you're female, when the general consensus seems to be "Of course!" and "RIGHT NOW".
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on December 19th, 2010 01:06 am (UTC)
Okay, I'll be fair -- I have a lot of opinions, but I don't feel that I have any *right* to those opinions.
Miche: archermicheinnz on December 23rd, 2010 06:45 am (UTC)
Of course you have a right to your opinion. You also have the good manners not to express it where it would be unwelcome.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on December 19th, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
And thank you, because I thought about it some more and came up with a better formulation of what I was thinking: I cannot imagine feeling as though I had a right to be *consulted* regarding a decision to start a pregnancy.

Single exception: If for some unforeseen reason Dale decided he wanted to father a child (on someone else, obviously, since my tubes are long since tied), I'd expect to be consulted; we're married and that would have a significant effect on our finances.
Bladerunnerbldrnrpdx on December 19th, 2010 02:04 am (UTC)
I'd like to think you'd have more to say on the subject than just about the impact on your finances. Emotional issues, legal issues, practical issues of all sorts immediately come to mind.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on December 19th, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
Possibly, if it were to actually become a question, although none of those actually came to mind when I was phrasing the exception. Fortunately, it is an extremely unlikely thing.
Jim Hetleyjhetley on December 19th, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)
Some people are space aliens.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on December 19th, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
Or slightly tipsy, one.
Skye: bluebonnetspagawne on December 19th, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)
We have two daughters, of course I have an opinion. They also have the option to tell me to stick it my ear.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on December 19th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
I think that might be a valid exception, regarding one's own offspring. I don't have any, so I don't know.

And, as you say, they're free to ignore your opinion.
Lyn Thorne-Alderaldersprig on December 19th, 2010 01:24 am (UTC)
Gods, I WISH my mother didn't feel the right to have an opinion on my reproduction!!

I hate it when people tell me "you'll regret not having children later," or list their counters to my (Very well thought out, thank you) reasons to not currently procreate.

So I am very pleased that you don't feel it's your right :-D
Ayesha: me sortabrowngirl on December 19th, 2010 02:54 am (UTC)
They also have the option to tell me to stick it my ear.


Heh. Like Aldersprig, I wish my mother granted me that option; it would make me more inclined to consider her opinions. OTOH, last time I cared to know what her opinion was on my reproducing it was that I was unmarriagable, so I don't think she's expecting grandchildren.
Violet Tigress: Drink upviolet_tigress1 on December 19th, 2010 02:00 am (UTC)
I think most people just expect me not to, not that I mind. Nobody bugs me about it.
Ayesha: Running Spiralbrowngirl on December 19th, 2010 02:57 am (UTC)
I think I see what you mean, and I agree with you. I may privately have thoughts about what I think people should do sometimes but unless they're planning to reproduce with me it's not my place to say.
what doesn't kill me better run: val: i will not be pawed at thank youcarlyinrome on December 19th, 2010 03:11 am (UTC)

feeling close enough to someone

I get the impression that most people with these kinds of opinions -- and the balls to spread them around -- don't see it as a question of closeness, but a moral imperative.

Stephen Harrissweh on December 19th, 2010 02:49 pm (UTC)
It also appears to be part of their "success criteria". Earlier this year my dad basically told me I was a failure because I wasn't married, had no kids. Despite being sucessfully employed, well paid, zero debt etc etc etc, I was still a failure.

Oh well.
amaebiamaebi on December 19th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC)
It seems as if a very broad swath of folks feel free to step in one others' reproductive choices, to grab the pregnant belly, to critique the [women's] child-raising practices.

When Sheeyun and I were trying some fertility work, people sneered, "You're not adopting? I thought you were liberal!" When we were adopting, I had people telling me that I wasn't ready to parent if we weren't specifically asking for a child tagged as differently abled. (And then of course there's that notion that one adopts to Do Good, which always creeps me out.)

Flowerpot paradigms of womanhood, and socialized control mechanims, at least in part, I think.