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01 February 2010 @ 10:11 am
Miscellany  
There is a lot of humor in modern country music. I believe this to be true based on an entirely unscientific sampling of the songs being played on WIVK this morning, last Friday afternoon, and the evening of January 7. WIVK has some of the best weather reporting in the area, you see.

Anyway, humorous country songs: "Eight-Second Ride" by Jake Owen, "Online" by Brad Paisley, and "Runnin' Out of Memory for You" by Tim O'Brien.



ALBUM: Easy Does It
SONG: Eight-Second Ride
Jake Owen


Well hey girl what's your name
Haven't I seen you before?
I recognized them dark green eyes
When you do-si-doed across the floor
Are you alone or are you with someone
She said "A matter of fact I'm not."
So I took her hand that's when it all began
And we headed towards the parking lot.

And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high."
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride."

We went riding round
Rocking to the sound of "Country Boy Can Survive"
And I knew then that she was my kind of girl
Cause she was singing every single line
Then she slid on over put my hand on her shoulder
And I asked her what she wanted to do
She said
"It really don't matter where we go
Just as long as I'm riding with you"

And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high"
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride"

So we headed out to old tobacco road
Put the tailgate down and we made love
She said
"True country boys hard to find
But I found one wilder than any eight second ride"

And she said
"Hey boy, do you mind taking me home tonight?
Cause I ain't ever seen a country boy
With tires on his truck this high"
I said
"Climb on up but watch the cup
That I'm spitting my dip inside
And hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride
Yeah, hold on tight cause it's gonna be wilder
Than any eight second ride"


Artist: Paisley Brad
Song: Online
Album: 5th Gear


I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’m cooler online

Yeah, I’ll see ya online


Runnin Out Of Memory For You
From Cornbread Nation
(©2000 Tim O'Brien, Jackson O'Brien, Kit Swaggert, Dermot Diamond)


Well I got an email from you darlin
It said you'd sent me a file
It was a full-length picture, jpeg format
But I never got to see you smile
I thought of what you might be wearin
Just then my server software froze
I tried rebooting, tried compression
But it would not open past your nose

My color screen won't even function
It's one big solid field of blue
My hard drive it went soft
My application coughed
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you

I sat alone there at my work place
Just a thinkin of the good times that we had
I was dumpin data to a zip drive
I was strokin on the old mouse pad
I went down to my computer center
Just to buy me a megabyte of ram
Then I hurried on back to my work place
I had my memory module in my hand

I opened up my PC casing
I thought I knew just what I'd do
But it was all for naught
There were no expansion slots
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you

My color screen won't even function
It's one big solid field of blue
My hard drive it went soft
My application coughed
And I'm a runnin out of memory for you




Each of these things is not like the other, both of these things just aren't the same. Two phrases you don't expect to hear in the same news story (and both referring to the same person) are "airlifted to UT Medical Center" and "treated and released". They didn't give any details, though, so maybe it makes sense. UTMCK might well be the closest hospital to the Smoky Mountain National Park, and the roads through the park might well have been too dangerous to drive this weekend.

ETA: Okay, to be more fair, I went and looked up the article.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (WVLT) -- Winter horse-play put a teenager from Georgia on a Lifestar flight to UT Medical Center.

Park rangers tell us that 14-year-old Hector Elias is part of a church group that was visiting the Smokies from Cornelia, Georgia.

Sunday afternoon, he and some of his friends got into a snowball fight on New Found Gap Road.

One of his friends hit him in the head with an iceball.

Because of icy road conditions, Hector was airlifted to the hospital.

He was treated, and released.


So, yeah, possible head injury + icy roads = air evac + treated and released. /ETA




I hate filling out timesheets. Just sayin'. On the other hand, I like to get paid. So, well.
 
 
 
Jim Hetleyjhetley on February 1st, 2010 03:16 pm (UTC)
One other possible explanation for those phrases -- a suspected serious condition needing fast-as-possible treatment, such as a heart attack, that turned out to actually *be* indigestion.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on February 1st, 2010 03:56 pm (UTC)
*nods* Probably a combination of factors; I went and looked up the article and have updated the entry.
Jim Hetleyjhetley on February 1st, 2010 04:16 pm (UTC)
We drove over New Found Gap in January once, just after a snowstorm, in the old Plymouth Valiant, without chains on the tires. Lotsa fun.

Not something you want to do on an ambulance run, both ways.
Janet Miles, CAP-OMjanetmiles on February 1st, 2010 06:57 pm (UTC)
No, definitely not. Even knowing the details, though, it's still not a common juxtaposition of phrases.
Jim Hetleyjhetley on February 1st, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
I will say that the drive was worth it, though, totally beautiful. Bright sun, fresh snow, frost-feather rime ice on the trees higher up. Just, drive slow. No, slower.
starcat_jewelstarcat_jewel on February 1st, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
Mileage varies. I find the first song more stupid than funny, and the second one infinitely sad (although it's clearly supposed to be funny by virtue of making vicious fun of those sci-fi loser dweebs). The third one is genuinely bawdy/funny, and would go over well in the filkroom; I might actually have to listen to it.
Kats: Dale Watsonwildrider on February 2nd, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
Modern country music has nothing on traditional country (Brad Paisley being a notable throwback to the classic sound) -- the bulk of Roger Miller's catalog, notably "Kansas City Star" and "Do Wakka Do," then "One Piece at a Time," "Boy Named Sue," "Chicken in Black," "The One On The Right" from Johnny Cash, "Thank God and Greyhound" from Roy Clark, "Big Game Hunter" from Buck Owens, and that's just off the top of my head and remembering what was played on the radio when I was growing up.

If only modern country (Brad Paisley aside) had a tenth of the humor that real country used to have!